There was a time in my life when I thought things must get easier when you get older. Surely, that must be true and life is not constantly a jagged path fighting, pushing and pulling to make it in the world. Sooner or later I would reach my goals and life would be easy. The road I was on would lead me there and it would be the victory I’d been waiting for.
Maybe life would be easier if I weren’t so ambitious I was once told. That took me back a bit in realizing maybe indeed it was me making life’s journey harder than it needed to be. Wasn’t I supposed to have goals? Was I pursuing the wrong things? I didn’t think so and it wasn’t so much my goals were unreasonable either just sometimes the path to reaching them is hard. Not everyone has people to help them along the way, I sure didn’t at points.
It is amazing how often things people say to you stick with you for years to come. As I would set new goals in my life this ambitious comment would appear in my mind questioning my plans. Was I reaching too far this time? It started to feel like the angel and devil on my shoulders arguing about what I should do or not do. This would come up too anytime things started to be hard or challenging in reaching those goals too like a told you so look of satisfaction. I would keep pushing though because that’s what rebels like me tend to do.
Most recently, this journey in my life led me to a job change. I’d had a few of those in my career and I was at the fork in the road of another. The easy answer was to tolerate workplace abuse by a screaming manager and corporate bully. It was a good company, people don’t leave those no matter what. They work through it and make it the best they can. That’s what alcohol is for as an adult when they can’t work through it very fast and the dread of Monday is too close to the Friday they waited all week to get away from it. I wasn’t satisfied living like that though.
It isn’t easy starting over all the time but the alternative didn’t seem like a happy place either. Maybe that’s why that person called me ambitious so long ago as I was not so willing to let go of the idea of being happy in life. Shouldn’t we all want that? I wasn’t willing to settle for abuse in my life either. Having grown up with that physically and emotionally I didn’t have room for it in my adult life. That alone maybe makes me ambitious but I prefer to call it self preservation. I was not willing to settle to the point where my own mental well-being was at risk and my physical health suffering as a result of it. That part maybe was the over ambition part but I didn’t care.
There it was right there, the center of why I did and always did what I wanted in the end. I simply didn’t care what others thought or said about it. Since it was my journey after all it only seemed right that I should dictate how that happened. Respectfully, I didn’t care what others thought of it either. I didn’t seek their permission or approval. Most definitely they could have the satisfaction of watching me flounder and even fail but at the end of it they were not on my path.
I remember the same reaction in me when I told friends I was now going to be selling oils and natural products. Yes one of those direct sales companies would be part of my pursuits to achieve goals on my journey. It was something I was interested in and thought I might actually be good at doing. I didn’t care if the friends who were questioning me about my work choice bought from me or not. This was for me and I wanted to do it. It was healthy for me too because it was a creative outlet my career had not been providing me in a long time.
What I have learned on my own journey of career and work choices to running my own business is I owe no one an explanation. The more I grew in comfort with that knowledge, the happier I became while pursuing goals and being ambitious in life. It also made me braver to try new things like starting my own business selling oils and natural products, writing a blog and a whole lot of other things I may not have otherwise even attempted. When we say to be happy on the journey of life I think this is what it means. Creating that happiness in all that we do by making ambitious decisions for ourselves that are truly aligned with our heart.
Seriously too, abuse in your workplace or anywhere in your life is never alright. Don’t put up with it.
If you’d like to see if what I do is a fit for you in lifestyle or work, let’s chat at dragonspitapothecary.com