Starting over seems like something you do when you have failed at something. I don’t consider myself having failed in what I am doing but it is definitely starting over that my actions represent. It is necessary though in order to change course, go in a new direction and yet many of the skills I have gained will be applicable to me in addition to new ones I am learning. I have come to appreciate the art of starting over in a new way as well.
My friends said no way would they do what I’ve chosen to do. Here I am 49 years old starting over in college for a new degree and discussing opening a physical building of a business to expand what I offer through Dragonspit Apothecary. At a time when most my age are talking of how to reach retirement I’m looking at how I can change the world, or at least my community. Am I simply crazy? Why now should I choose to start over in my life instead of simply settle into what I’m doing and ride it out until retirement?
I said the other day that it is indeed a scary world we are living in these days. I worry the place we are setting up for our children in the future too. It seemed timely that I should consider pursuing returning to school to see how I could make a difference in all of that. I admit I am intimidated by the size of this mountain though in reality that path started for me a long time prior to reaching this point. My desire for better in my life led me to natural living options to support my family and now to this point where I know there is more I can do not only for my family but my community and the world at large.
It seems our world has been filled with shouting and yelling for who is right and wrong for the last couple years. The truth is neither side is listening anymore and it is combative and negative. We are destroying our relationships, foundation of our country and respect for mankind through our ignorant actions. It is not healing, collaborative, inclusive or any of the things our country has fought so hard to establish. It is war. It is unrest. I feel called to something more tangible and yet deeply personal against that push of socialism, political mayhem and chaos that swirls around us. Maybe starting over is necessary in our world and individually so we appreciate the journey it took to have the rights that we do.
With my return to college, I am feeling a great deal of deja vu these days. Things have changed since I last attended college but the feeling of it is still the same. The scent of possibility, reason, logic and pursuit of opportunity. It may be starting over but there is still so much I feel compelled to learn. It feels like an answer to figuring out where options truly are to solve the problems we have in this world. The ability to create, inspire, innovate and think for myself, share what I learn and find others who also are lost in this sea of chaos and confusion of fear over a virus. It is the formulation of change that I hope will lead to healing and understanding, acceptance and peace that respects differences.
That thought of starting over doesn’t seem as scary as I thought it would and that has freed me to enjoy this experience more than I expected. When I enrolled in school to pursue a new degree in holistic and alternative medicine I thought it was just to expand my essential oils business. That is certainly still a part of this process but I am becoming aware of how much bigger it all is too. There is a real opportunity to help others who like me want choices in their healthcare and responsibility for it. Perhaps it is the path I have been seeking where we can have real conversations about options in solving problems rather what has been demonstrated in our world the last couple years.
For the past 4 years I have been exploring what it means to live more naturally. I was doing this through swapping household products, working to build my family’s immunity and things I could as a wife and mom. There were improvements, things changed in our house and it seemed to work. That created this interest in seeing what else I could do and apply to my life. Emerging from that was of course this blog and a small essential oil business I proudly named Dragonspit Apothecary. This is history that my long time readers know well. Yet it still wasn’t enough. My journey on this path was still growing.
As I watch the world tear itself apart these last 2 years over a virus and political mayhem I found my own fears rising at several points. I don’t know what it will take to heal our world or communities. This has all compelled me to think about what happens next not only in the world but for me and my family. It led me to consider what was important in what we had started to live more naturally and simply and where that could be used to help us now.
Opening textbooks and working on class assignments has made me consider though what starting over looks like. It is not always a failure to start over. It is sometimes very necessary to help us find our true calling, ability to form our own decisions clearer and move into the path that is right for ourselves and our families. It is about honoring who we are as individuals and having a healthy respect for the bravery it takes to pursue dreams. Along the way we may even solve some problems in our world too.
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