I cannot claim to be the best mom in the world. I am not one of the mom’s that regularly makes things off Pinterest and I have never been to a PTA meeting. When it comes to the whole nut allergy, gluten, sugar free stuff here too I mostly fail miserably. For the mom’s out there that can balance it all, buy organic everything and make all the things keep doing you. My mom style is best described as let’s find out where this goes with the GPS saying it is out of range.
The nature of mom’s like me is not that we are bad moms but rather we are real moms. We are the ones that have to ask the last time our child had a bath because we honestly don’t remember. We work full time jobs and we use the rest of our day to put together some kind of meal while asking how school was and if homework is done. There are times dinner is cereal or frozen pizza. We squeeze everything we can into the minutes we have before it’s off to bed for them and a hot shower at last for us. We give it all we have every day because we are moms, it is just that sometimes it doesn’t come out in cute gluten free cupcakes and on time arrival for the practice games.
There are lots of moms who claim to be like us with their always busy statements yet we know the difference. Certainly all moms are busy but you just instinctively know the ones who are like us. We have a special vibe that separates us from the wannabe version of real busy. The moms I’m talking about are the ones that say it like it is because no one else will speak up and throw in the occasional cuss word because they are at their end with it all. It is not that we are unpolished and impolite but rather we don’t have time for the runaround of things that need to be changed, fixed or done. Let’s get to it already!
I like to think the quality of being a mom like this is our efficiency. We have figured out the way to get it all done in our day. It may not be pretty or perfect but it is done and our kids are fed, clean, have what they need plus maybe some extras. Our family is happy too. We know what matters and we focus on instilling those values in our children like what it means to be patient for something, understand how to work for things and show respect to others. If my child grows up to be anything in life based on what he’s learned from me, I hope it is ability for self-reliance, independence, respect and kindness. If that happens I will feel I did really win at the mom thing after all.
The nature of mom’s like me is our realistic perspective. We are concerned with being ourselves and showing our children life is not perfect but it can be good. This means laughing when mom burps or even more funny when she farts. It is showing him who I really am and not filling some greeting card version of what that means as his mom. I believe there is no greater thing we can share with our family than our real selves. Our natural selves unwrapped from all the labels and weight of the world we carry. The inside person who cries at sad movies and covers my eyes at the really scary stuff. A real mom who is still a woman with feelings, needs, wants and experience gained through a life lived well every day.
This is not to say cupcake making moms who love Pinterest are not good moms but that they are different than me when it comes to mom business. There is nothing wrong with what or how they do it. Some of them appear to be really great at it too! The difference is the inclusion and expectations between us. What I have found is most women have a hard time showing cracks in their make up, nails, appearance and cupcakes. It is a challenge of perfection because that is has been engrained in us as what is required as women. The difference is when you stop measuring yourself against those societal norms you realize most of us will never be able to achieve them and it’s much more fun to just be ourselves.
I believe there are other moms out there just like me. The ones who are wondering how they’re going to do it all today but will end their day with wondering how they managed to do it all today. They look tired and are just trying to get through the day while saving their biggest smile and loudest funniest laugh and hug for those she loves the most. It may not look like it from the outside but every single thing we do is for our children and family. We put in the long hours, put up with things that are absolutely ridiculous in our jobs and put ourselves through college after bedtime because of them.
We are showing them how to do their laundry, help out around the house and work together as a family not because we are hard about that kind of thing but because it’s important things to know in life. Plus doing it together is bonding us in deeper appreciation and respect for each other. It isn’t that we don’t love our children any less than any other type of mom but that give them our best self even if we are dead exhausted and stressed to the max. We still give to our children before ourselves because of who they are to us and it’s what we do. It just doesn’t mean we freely hand it over to them but rather we show them how to earn it on their own so they can do it too as adults.
Maybe it is because I have had to work hard all my life that I am the kind of mom that I am. Perhaps it is just who I am. My ambition as a mom is not to make my kid work all the time but rather show him to have a healthy respect for how to make it in the world. I realize as much as it sucks that one day I won’t be able to be around to help him. Maybe it’s my own selfishness but I’d like to think he would be alright in knowing how to take care of himself and survive in the world as a result of the type of mom I am today.
This doesn’t mean I don’t ever make him cupcakes either. I do and I do also care that he eats veggies, gets a haircut and is doing well in school. How those things get accomplished is what sets me apart because the cupcakes may be store bought or a box mix and the veggies may be things we grew in our backyard. It’s what works for us. It is always however me being me. My natural self in all ways because that’s all I know to do.
If you’re a mom like me, leave a comment below and let’s connect! Find me dragonspitapothecary.com