If you’re really honest, or maybe not so honest, with yourself, you can easily name the thing or set of things that let to your jeans being unbreathable. It doesn’t take us much to come up with the list of things that equated to that moment of laying on the bed, holding your breath, trying to button your jeans and praying the zipper doesn’t pop.
It’s a horrifying moment and we’re hoping it’s exactly not the moment our husband walks in the room. NO ONE needs to see this. You feel ashamed, guilty and swear it’s salads and water from here on out.
Yet what really got us to this moment?
There are a lot of reasons and depending on your life some are quite compelling for why. Yet, underneath every reason is one big elephant of a reason that we simply cannot ignore in the spirit of honesty. We know its there and yet we think there isn’t a thing we can do about it. It is the single reason we are going jeans shopping for a bigger size and probably a pair with the stretchy material so our mind doesn’t totally blow a gasket for how far out of control our weight really is.
That single incredibly terrible thing you ask?
Anxiety.
All the stress, eating junk food, living off Starbucks, not sleeping well and being constipated all comes down to our body’s inability to process the anxiety we feel about how we are living our life.
Yet life is good. Our job pays well, we have a great house, the kids are excelling in school and we have great sex with our partner regularly. At least that’s what our Instagram says is going on. Let’s not even talk about the stress of capturing just the right collection of pictures to make into a reel to the trending music so we can show our friends how great things are. The very friends we blew off the last three times because we are too busy with our perfect life.
Is it really that perfect?
Is that why you’re eating M&Ms and drinking wine while hiding from the kids in your closet? Is that why your jeans suddenly don’t fit and you’re saying negative things about your body in the bathroom mirror? Maybe you shouldn’t have skipped that Pilates class last week right?
The truth is it’s not just the lie we tell ourselves about our life but it is rather how we are living that glam life. The divorce rate is 50% for a reason. Anti-depressants are the number one prescribed medication for 7 years running because we just love taking them right?
The reason you are not losing weight is we are blaming all the things in our life that we think caused the weight but in reality we’re not dealing with the real cause. Stress induced anxiety that has gone on so long that we can’t even recognize it anymore so we call it adulting.
Until we get real about the stress in our life all the workouts, restrictive eating and push to get thin will be short lived and highly exhausting to maintain. That’s because we’re simply adding more chaos to an already stress filled life that’s run amok.
Yes, the caffeine, diet and lack of exercise all contribute to that weight problem too. Yet, if our stress was under better control likely we would have the energy, focus, stamina and interest in getting a workout done, having time to meal prep and healing our body.
It’s all from stress.
Getting stress under control is not a five minute fix. Just fair warning on that point. If you try to put a band-aid on this problem it will only create a bigger problem. We have to clean out the wound and let it heal completely. We have to learn our lesson and not keep putting our finger in the stress socket of life non-stop.
When I work with clients about stress, we find it is multi-layered, especially for women. We are caretakers, employees, wives, mothers, doers, and high achievers. We don’t rest until the last load of laundry is done and lunches are packed for the next day. We work hard and it can feel like a thankless job. Recognizing all of these things is powerful yet most of us will worry we are not doing enough. Stress management starts with recognition, walks deeply in forgiveness and emerges in delicate grace.
Yes, we do all the things and many most don’t even notice. That is great! Yet when we do all the things and don’t love ourselves in the process or we forego all our needs all the time, this is why our jeans don’t fit anymore. When we stop hearing our own voice, taking care of our body, mind and spirit we lose ourselves in the chaos of life. It’s easy to do.
I think its important to recognize all that we do. One of the first things I task my clients with is creating a list of all those things and showing it to me. We then take that list and appreciate it because it represents all that we are to others. Never have I had one client do this task and list on there the things they did for themself because it helped them be the better mom, wife, employee, volunteer or other role they held. Never.
So obviously, the next task is the list of things we need on a body, mind and spirit level that help us be the great person we described on the other list. What does that woman need to keep being her best? How can she do better if she’s tired, overwhelmed, burned out and eating junk? Where can we love and support her? That goes on list number two.
Then we implement it. This is where stress management comes into place because anxiety increases. We start to worry what will suffer because we’re working on list two rather than list one. Truthfully, we are still working on list one but women don’t believe me as it’s not how we’re trained to care for others. No one really puts on their own mask first, do they?
Retraining our brain to take care of ourselves, even though we know we should do so, is challenging. The lists create the view we often need to see where not doing so has physically, emotionally and spiritually hurt us. It gives us a map of how to get our identity back and create the better person list one demands and needs of us. It truly is where the jeans fit too because we make the space we need to support our own health.
Until we are ready to deal with the stress in our life, this situation won’t change.
To work with me, schedule your Holistic Health Consultation at dragonspitapothecary.com