I have previously admitted on this very blog that I am not good at meditating. I really, really want to be because I think it’s cool but I’ve not found my stride with it. It is also seems to take an inordinate amount of time to which I don’t have so I don’t get to “practice” it as much as I’d like. The whole quiet space by yourself, yeah good luck as I’m lucky to get to the bathroom by myself without someone asking what I’m doing.
(Read my What I Think About While Meditating post from April 2020 here: https://www.dragonspitapothecary.com/post/what-i-think-about-when-meditating )
Meditation is like this elusive super cool hippie friend that smells interesting and has super neat clothes that flow. She’s colorful and her hair is messy but in that perfect sort of way you wish your own would look like. She just has it all together and instantly fits in wherever she is. I’d like to spend more time with then and always think of them but I totally feel like an awkward soccer mom wearing the wrong thing and stumbling over my own feet. I can’t quite get the words formed into graceful sentences to connect with this mystic friend but I just know deep down inside we’d be awesome together.
When I try to meditate I really go into it with a positive outlook that this time is going to be it. I’m going to rock the whole meditation thing and the vibes of this special friend are going to fill my being. I will be just like her when its over, transformed into this beautiful wild creature that has it all together. This rarely happens though. If I manage to not fall asleep because I’m being quiet and still getting all relaxed taking in nature’s sounds or produced rhythmic vibes from Alexia letting it all go then I’m too wound up and can’t seem to let anything go. My mind goes 1000 different directions and before I know I’m once again making lists or jotting something important down to not forget it. It’s as if meditation is my time to make sure I am still keeping up with everything and double checking my work.
Feeling like a failure at meditating is not what it is about I know. Spending time mindful of now, free of anything that limits us and just being is a perfect state of existence and one I really want to visit more often. Yet I have realized that my way of meditating and what comes through it isn’t necessarily wrong either. It is a part of me. It is the active practice of making time for myself and using it how I need that counts the most. It is intentionally stopping everything else I have going on and giving myself the gift of just being as much of me as I can me in a single minute. One minute at a time.
So here’s the way I’ve come to look at meditation, it is a gift of time. If you spend that time making a to-do list or humming some rhythm while sitting with your eyes closed both are ok as long as you emerge from that feeling like a whole you. When I look at meditation and living natural the essence of both is that the rules for how it’s done are what we make them to be based on what works for us. It is a definition of what is right for us based on where we are in this moment and on our journey. That may look a lot different than anyone else’s practice in meditation and in life. When we apply anyone else’s expectations, rules and standards to our situation and life that’s when we lose all control in our life and feel like we’re failing at something. It happens when we compare ourselves to another or try to live in their shoes.
When I remember it is truly about me, meditation gets a lot easier. It feels like a welcoming embrace of my friendly hippie friend in colorful skirts and essential oils. It is cool vibe music with a sweet rhythm and my hair is wild with it’s natural curls. I feel like myself, can get comfortable and flow from one thing to the next in my body and mind. I let go of the titles and labels applied to me and just let me be me in a moment that is now. Sometimes that looks like me sitting on the floor with my diffuser going and Alexia playing some wave sounds, other times it’s me sitting in a chair in the backyard or writing something. The point is I’ve come to realize meditation is my BFF when I am me in the current moment. When I am noticing I’m breathing, feeling alive and at peace with all of who I am and what I’m doing.
I believe we can let go of the perception, expectations and standards of so many things in our life and just be us. Individually us in whatever beauty that looks like. Amazingly when we do that we not only feel incredibly liberated but we are in that perfect space of learning about ourselves and what makes us feel our best. That my friend is what living natural is all about.
So at the end of it all meditation is a good friend of mine as long as I let her be who she is, wild and free of anything but being her in tune with what she needs right now. I don’t have to worry about being good or bad at meditation because it is what I’m doing, enjoying and getting results from that matter. It is the process of what I let in to learn from and realize about myself in that process of evolving into who I am. It is moving in the way that I need and being still where I need that too. I can become my own being that ebbs and flows with that is around her and letting tranquility sink into my soul becoming my own friend in meditation.
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