Many of us only think of self-love when we are lacking it and mistakenly think it is because we need something larger that is missing in our lives. We think this something is just the thing to fill our souls and complete our lives and by having it we will be happy. However, soon after obtaining it we feel those sames incomplete feelings and may feel lonely, overwhelmed, highly stressed or exhausted. We sooner or later realize that something is no longer working well in our life.. We are beat down from the stresses of life whether from outside forces or things we have piled in our own life to hide what we have been truly needing.
We also tend to limit self-love to an imaginary vision we have about ourselves. This vision is where we see and feel our very best, we are at our skinniest weight and have on a fabulous outfit on. We’re doing something that we are proud of or have achieved and all eyes are on us. There is a huge smile on our face because we feel this incredible warmth, inclusiveness, and spotlight of love all around us. Everything is good and feels good at that very moment. This surrounding of warmth and love is what we think life is supposed to feel like or what we wish it would feel like more often. We think by doing this thing or achieving a higher level of success we will get all that good feeling around us instantly from others.
The problem with both of these views is they are both dependent on what others think and feel about us. We are thinking our happiness comes from the outside. That by doing something great or having something of value in our lives we will have just the right amount of love and be included by others. We will be adored and surrounded by happiness and love.
When these things don’t transpire like we imagine we scold ourselves for not being good enough or we self-soothe with bad habits like over-eating, drinking or over-doing something else. We let our emotions take over and fall deeper into this cycle of believing we will never obtain our idea of perfect love.
We have to be brave enough to love ourselves so that who we really are can come through and influence who and what we have around us in a deeper more solid way.
There’s Power in Loving You
When we stop the cycle thinking that we need to push others to accept and love us because we have some special skill, are super funny, beautiful or some other exterior trait it can at first feel very lonely and desolate. We are unfamiliar and uncomfortable in our own skin and we don’t know who we really are. This is a struggle for many of us because by design we long to be connected with others.
This uncomfortable feeling though is something that will be our path to figuring our who we are, what we like and don’t like, what makes us passionate, creative and feel fulfilled. It will help us figure out how to love ourselves. By understanding and supporting these things about ourselves, we begin to expand our self-esteem, confidence and balance in our own life. These are the very things that will help us choose the right people for us to have in our lives. People who will truly love, honor and support us as we are without trying to impress them by what we can do or achieve. Once we understand who we are, we can share our best self with others and those who share our interests, passions and spirit.
It’s taken me a long time to figure out who I am. For many years my focus had to be on survival. Lacking a family and not having much of a support system at a very young age I was forced into adulthood early and had to learn quickly how to fend for myself. I was lonely and scared a lot of the time but I knew I had to fight for making a living for myself or else I was going to end up in a very bad situation with no safety net. Looking back I cringe at the thought of my 15 year old self living on my own and some of the choices I made out of loneliness or desperation to try to make it financially and emotionally. I only had me to count on and I eventually learned that the hard way. It was my first realization that I needed to like myself if I wanted to be able to count on myself. That moment changed my decisions and choices to actually not only survive that situation but also succeed vastly out of it.
That experience has also made me a very strong person who isn’t afraid of much anymore. A good friend of mine tells me all the time I am one of the strongest people they have ever met in their life. I joke and say I don’t know if that is good or bad but it is apparently something that has formed me into who I am today. I believe that experience has shaped me but it has also given me the ability to define myself in a way I may not have otherwise done.
We sometimes don’t have the luxury to stop and figure out who we are when we are in this type of time in our lives. I think that is alright because sometimes these are very times when we can develop the skills we will need later that will help us figure it out.
Now that I do have a family and people who I love and that love me, I was able to finally figure out what I like, who I was and what I was good at. I could dream and chase those dreams instead of just worrying about day-to-day survival needs. I could leverage many of my survival and strength skills forged from that time in my life to apply to things I wanted to have in my life and know confidently how to make it happen.
Hopefully, your situation is not that extreme and you are able to intentionally focus on defining who you are and who you want to be but it starts with believing in yourself and recognizing your own self-worth and beauty. That can take time to figure out and means you need to spend time by yourself giving this topic the attention it deserves. You have to find that inner strength to focus on you and what is right in your life. I believe this is the basis of self-love.
Supporting Yourself
I didn’t have the incredible essential oils I have now when I was going through that time in my life but I sure wish I had. There is not any magical essential oil that will make life easier nor would these oilst have changed what I went through directly but they would have helped me feel supported during those times. I would have had a tool to use for support so I could be a little calmer, clearer and centered. That small difference can greatly influence your decisions and choices because you can see clearer, feel deeper and come from a place of centered intention rather than pure raw unchecked emotions.
When we feel transitional periods of our life or are unsettled, we need to be able to draw upon our strengths to choose what is next for us. The best choice in that situation is going to be one based on who you are and what is right for you. These oils can help support you in figuring that out and drawing on confidence, self-esteem and a place of self-love. This is a stronger place to make a place decision from than when you’re feeling you’re not deserving, worthy or are weak and must settle for something less.
Clary Calm
This oil blend containing Clary Sage is a wonderful emotional support oil. Clary Sage comes from Latin and means “clear eyes.”
The oil also contains Lavender, Bergamot, Roman Chamomile, Cedarwood, Ylang Ylang, Geranium, Fennel, Carrot, Palmarosa and Vitex. All of these oils are used for calming, soothing, centering and managing our emotional support system.
Often used for menstrual support when our hormones are all over the place and we feel emotional from those activities, this oil is actually good at supporting us when we need to take a calmer, clearer reflection of ourselves and what is around us.
Applying this oil to your stomach, neck, wrists and feet bottoms can help.
Slim & Sassy
Don’t let the name fool you. This oil is the oil of self-love. Consisting of grapefruit, lemon, peppermint, ginger and cinnamon, this oil provides a deep emotional support balm to our raw feelings.
Many of us are “emotional eaters” and that where this oil helps. Instead of self-soothing with food we can give our minds support through these oils to calm, soothe and heal without the calories and carbs.
Add to water or take internally through a veggie cap. Diffuse or apply topically.
Motivate
Our emotional system is complicated so often when we feel something it triggers other feelings and mindsets that can be harmful to our self-esteem. This in turn can block or damage our self-confidence and courage that we need to make tough choices and actions.
The Motivate oil blend contains peppermint, clementine, coriander, basil, Melissa and rosemary that support our emotional system when we feel that mental exhaustion from being overwhelmed, depleted, depressed and not confident in ourselves.
Applying this oil to the back of the neck and forehead can provide that relief so we can protect our core beliefs and deal with what we are facing.
Interested in more?
Are you brave enough to love yourself?
If you have questions about the oils recommended in this post or are looking for further suggestions to help with something you are working through please reach out. I’m happy to answer any questions and help you.
amyk@dragonspitapothecary.com
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